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I understand how scizzors can beat paper, and I get how a rock can beat scizzors, but there's no fucking way that paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scizzors?? Screw scizzors, why the hell can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? Why aren't post its smothering office workers as they jot anecdotes that nobody gives a fuck about? I'll tell you why. Because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock paper scizzors I always choose rock. That way when someone claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "Oh shit. I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole."